But I will admit one thing - I was cool in high school. I cared about things. I found as much music as I could get my hands on. I collected records. I had my own studio in our cellar, the walls of which were littered with my graffiti. I took a ton of pictures. I went to concerts on the weekends. I was different than everyone else and I felt special and desirable and exotic.
Now I sit in my room most of the time, looking at other people's lives through the computer screen. I've been discouraged from trying to be different in New York: it's just too damned hard. I'm a blog-reading blob whose soul died about a year ago.
I can't see myself as being interesting or desirable anymore. And that hurts.
3 comments:
you are the coolest girlfriend ever
marie! this entry makes me really sad. let's go out together sometime soon, okay?
it's funny — i experienced a similar thing at yale. i got there and met one of the most brilliant filmmakers i could ever imagine — already being written up in entertainment weekly and having little chats with judd apatow at awards shows. and he was my age! made my shaky-hand, shit imovie high school "productions" look like inept self-parodies. and i lost my self-confidence in other places, too. thank god i'm finally starting to get it back now. your most recent posts are much more positive than this one, so i presume you've been on the up and up too.
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