Seventeen

Christmas was nice.  I got a new camera and I discovered that my grandma has a really nice mink coat.

Also my brother got a robot dinosaur.  My father gave my mom a beautiful turquoise ring.  Turquoise symbolizes healing, apparently.  Things are looking up, and I'm very happy.

Sixteen

Joe Skinner is 6'1" and has blonde hair and green eyes.  He likes contests, Warren Buffett, Pixar, Load Records, and me.

Fifteen

I woke up this morning from a nightmare - Phil Collins had murdered his entire family.

I don't know what that means.  All I know is that I won't be able to listen to his music for a long time...not like I was a big fan to begin with or anything.

Twelve

There are more things I don't miss about high school than there are freckles on Little Orphan Annie.

But I will admit one thing - I was cool in high school.  I cared about things.  I found as much music as I could get my hands on.  I collected records.  I had my own studio in our cellar, the walls of which were littered with my graffiti.  I took a ton of pictures.  I went to concerts on the weekends.  I was different than everyone else and I felt special and desirable and exotic.

Now I sit in my room most of the time, looking at other people's lives through the computer screen.  I've been discouraged from trying to be different in New York: it's just too damned hard.  I'm a blog-reading blob whose soul died about a year ago.

I can't see myself as being interesting or desirable anymore.  And that hurts.

Eleven

FOR REAL THIS JUST HAPPENED:

Drew (whispering to me in Film Theory): What the hell is she (Prof. Chris Straayer) talking about?

Chris Straayer (from podium aaaall the way in front):  Well, what I'm talking about here is Baudrillarde's thoughts on the binary.

THE COINCIDENCE IS BLOWING MY MIND

Ten

I'm super depressed.  I missed all of my classes because I couldn't get out of bed.  My room is a mess, I'm freaking out about finals, and I ruined my one meal of the day by undercooking it.

Please help.

Nine

In New Media.  We filled out a department evaluation for the first fifteen minutes.  I channeled Rodney Dangerfield in mine, but it's totally true.  The cinema studies department gets no respect.  Fuck Film&TV...we're smarter.

After that, a choice quote from Jung Bong Choi: 

"Well, we've almost reached the end of the semester...and you know people say time flies while you're having fun?  I think it flies just as fast with pain and suffering" 

So true.  This semester has sucked...and I can't believe we only have one week left.

Eight

A few thoughts:

1. As I walked back from my French class tonight, I saw two sisters from the Missionaries of Charity (Mother Teresa's order) on the corner of 4th ave and 9th st.  Mother Teresa was Albanian.  My French teacher is Albanian.  My French teacher looks like Mother Teresa.
2. Six degrees of separation.  There's this girl named Nona who is in my year at Tisch.  I'm not friends with her, but my boyfriend is.  She cut his hair for him.  Nona went to Stuyvesant for high school where she was friends with this girl named Molly.  Molly goes to Drexel, a university of over 20,000 students.  She is friends with TWO of my friends who go there.  I think she even hooked up with one of them last year...I hooked up with him as well, two years ago.  Facebook is weird like that.
3. The Britney documentary upset me yesterday.  Alex and I were saying in class today that her growth is obviously stunted at a 15-year-old's maturity level.  I still love her though.  Go Brit Brit!
4. This is awesome
5. Also this

Seven

Greatest advantage of being home:

Garbage disposal.

Six

I deleted Five this morning. It was too venomous.

A few things of note:

When I was a child, I read the story of Joan of Arc and once I saw that she was interacting with the Dauphin, I thought it meant "dolphin." So, imagine, me as a six-year-old believing that Joan of Arc was good buddies with some french dolphin. Today in french class, I learned that Dauphin actually means dolphin in french. My childhood assumptions weren't that far off after all!

I go home to Philadelphia tomorrow. It will be nice to have a few days to relax, but I will most definitely have the approaching finals somewhere in the back of my mind.

In GenSex, we watched the saddest documentary about the murders in Juarez, Mexico. This woman claims that corrupt police officers would drag a woman by her hair through the desert and brush...then gang rape her, vaginally and anally...then beat her....then bite her nipples off...then burn her. A man was arrested with a nipple necklace. This made my insides shrivel up and die.

Heidi and Spencer's "elopement" is hilarious.

Four

70% off all shoes at Marc today...I got a pair of red leather flats for $54.  Schwing.

Also, I saw a pretty great flick last night... Let The Right One In....it's a Swedish vampire film, and it was really sweet and scary and fascinating.  Totally trumps all that Twilight bullshit.

Three

Registered for the spring semester today.  It was incredibly frustrating, and my time was during my GenSex lecture on Abu Ghraib - THEREFORE I COULDN'T PAY ATTENTION.  The one pro-arab class all year, and I'm too busy logging in and out of NYUHOME to glean anything from it.

Anyway, here's the finished product:

Not too bad, but I have no days off :(

Aside from that, I went to the Don Hertzfeldt showcase at IFC.  His latest film is heartbreaking, which I much appreciated...I'm not really a big fan of the "I'M A BANANA!" fanatics, to be honest.

And after that, my boyfriend told me that I care more about him than myself and I need to get my shit together.

Two

I slept for eight hours today.

I need to get my life back on track.  I'm depressed.  Everything's messy.

In danger of joining a cult.  Please send help and snacks.

One

It's 9:00 on a Monday morning.  I haven't slept.

A paper is due today for my GenSex class.  I wrote about how Hawaii is a queer state, since no one really gives a shit about Hawaii and they have fabulous luaus.

Writing these papers is always fun, mostly because of the

 language used in queer scholarship.

"Desire"

"Mapping onto the body"

"Foucault-ian institutions of power"

"Queer time and subjectivity"

It all sounds so intelligent and bullshitty and I wish I could speak in bullshitty terms all the time. I'm just too lazy for that.